Trust is just not enough when living together out of marriage
In this interview with EFT Expert Susan Cowe Miller, she explains how vital it was to create a psychological as well as legal sense of security for her family following her husband’s death and the creation later on of a new ‘living together’ relationship outside of the legal security of marriage.
“My first marriage ended in the most awful way; my husband died weeks after I’d started divorce proceedings. However I was fortunate to receive Life Insurance and the mortgage was paid off too. He died before changing his will.
I knew that I had to safeguard my assets when I entered a living together relationship a few years later.
My partner and I set up a Tenants in Common Agreement and when we married a few years later, I had new financial arrangements to make and a new Will with specific additions set up. I had two children from my first marriage and I needed to feel secure and protected regardless of how much I do love and trust my second husband. Trust and love are not enough. I urge you to sort out your financial affairs and your security when embarking on a new living together arrangement, or to take action if a present situation is not yet agreed.
In many cases this is not undertaken due to:
- A lack of legal understanding around rights and who gets what ; wrong assumptions are made;
- A naivety around what should happen if things go wrong; a blinkered trust;
- A fear that you specifically, feel it isn’t right or decent to ask your new partner about any of this.
The Living Together Agreement is potentially of enormous value for many couples and new families starting out on another of life’s big adventures. Suzy Miller’s short video is extremely informative and well worth a viewing.
I now work in Emotional Healing and I wish everyone had a strong sense of self-belief and a built in self-preservation instinct. A belief that you deserve to be secure is a valuable feeling. Consider The Living Together Agreement, it seems to make a whole lot of sense.
As a relationship therapist I suggest that your relationship will have more chance of success and happiness if BOTH of you feel secure; trust is just not enough.”